Sino Ako?

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Davao City, Philippines
"Hi, Me!" coz my name is Hayme and I still am getting to know myself. A Medical student. A geek. A hopeless romantic. Gay. Single since being out. Single since birth for that matter. Accompany me as I redefine myself.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Singing Sessions

Cover ko ng songs ni Erik Santos and Jaya. Hahaha. Katuwaan lang. Was just having a good time.

Sunday, November 6, 2011


Just me, bumming...

I've actually got a ton of reading to get over but instead I choose to update this blog. Lots have happened since my last post, some minor, some really major. Yeah, like my dad passing away. I say that with such a casual tone it might seem like it didn't matter much. Trust me, it did. Well, for one, not having my dad around makes our abode a little less like home. My father was a jolly fellow. Although we were never close like, say, Kevjumba and his Dad, my father had a lot to do with my happy-go-lucky persona. I take life a day at a time, see more of the positive, laugh off trivial matters and actually handle sadness and loss pretty well. I'm like my dad in these uncanny ways.

Having tailor-fitted myself to a gay life (no pun) put me into a better footing at coping with his loss. With such deluge, my mom and sister didn't have the same happy bricks to stand onto. My father's murder affected them much more than it did me and up until this post they still have that destitute glimmer in their smiles.

Well, so much for sadness...I'm over that...moving on...


I've always pondered on the fact of my non-existent dating-life. Why am I not ready? Why don't I give it a try just like how my other friends did? Is it really my choice?

I think I am emotionally and mentally ready for a relationship, I really do. Relationships aren't that complicated. That; however, is a conclusion drawn from the perspective of someone from the audience. What ingredients there are for keeping a would-be relationship going are exactly the same ones that would keep a friendship thriving. Well, to begin with, there's communication. I'm a really good listener! I'm also good at getting my point through. I've got covered a wide variety of topics thus the possibility of running out of things to talk about is quite unlikely. I'm also inquisitive, the lives of my friends are my bread and butter. I live off of it. I like getting to know their childhood mishaps, high school dramas and college frustrations. A great lot of my past friends and acquaintances have commended my superb ability of sympathizing with their plight. In fact, as I've come to realize recently, I am so good a communicator that I get to become the repository of top-tier blackmail-level secrets of almost everyone in my close knit of friends. This gift of mine; nonetheless, also is a source of depression at times. How come I'm always at the listening end? Why can't I be the one to talk? Oh well...

Veering back to topic, another strong point I've got in my arsenal is humor. I'm funny. I usually have a joke for almost anything you could throw at me. My friends; however, think that's exactly why I've got no dating life. You see, my jokes tend to be bitchy. Some first-timers may even consider them harsh. So, come to think of it, I must try not flaunting this around much.
Actually, the single biggest factor why I'm not in the dating scene is because of my lack of self-esteem. I am in crisis-crisis. I'm fat, no one gets attracted to fat gay guys. The slim, fit, manly gay guys get the juice. What I get is pulp, a mere illusion of sweetness one could taste from a fruity relationship. Yes, some might say, "Well, get your fat ass moving and loose those extra ounces kilos".  You see, that isn't the sole problem. I've got a skin condition. My skin makes even me feel icky. My self-doubt and loathing keeps me from meeting Mr. Right-ish. If only self-esteem came in packages from Amazon. If only my skin condition would be a thing of the past. Its hard to look at myself in the mirror, all I see is ugly. In a  world where physical beauty is the currency to a chance of getting into a relationship, I'm just damn defenseless, unadorned, down-trodden. 
Honestly, that's why I can't bring myself to come have a date. I try hard to get others to notice me yet I myself notice only the ugly side of me.


Wednesday, September 14, 2011

New Interest

My aunt's balikbayan box has finally arrived and along with it came my request, a 1 Terabyte Western Digital My Passport portable hard drive. I've been dieting (to no effect on my BMI) and saving like there's no today (as if walang pagkakagastusan sa araw-araw) but all that could not make my savings abound to 7 thousand pesos. All I could come up with was a measly 2 K. Yes, I'm that bad at saving. Kaya naman I thought, bakit di na lang ako manghingi dun sa may kaya kahit na di nagse-save? Hahahaha. Alas! My (lack of) effort paid-off. I am now writing this long overdue blog post to kill time as my overburdened internal hard disk drives unload years' worth of data into my new portable drive.

 Where to begin? I've got much free time today and for the next two weeks because it is SEMBREAK. The last semestral break for medical shool. Wala na kasing break ang fourth year during senior clerkship duty. I think I passed all my subjects except offcourse that wretched Internal Medicine. Nag-bear ba ng grudge? Haha. 71 lang ako sa subject na yun and that little incident mentioned in my previous post has got a lot to do with it. Well, more effort next semester then. That's for my academic update. Leisure-wise, I am now trying to vacate one drive in my PC so I could install Microsoft's day-old release of Windows 8 Developer Preview. I hope installation goes well. I really am excited with what Microsoft has in store for Windows 8 enthusiasts like myself. It took all night to download almost 4 Gigabytes of installation data. Hope every waiting hour will be worth the effort.

 Sex-wise, well, I have had certain issues whilst I was not online. There was this bullying issue in class. No, not that really grievous to be truthful, its just that it really annoys me when people match a straight guy to an unsuspecting gay guy believing that such pair-up would somehow tickle the ego of said gay guy. I, in no perceivable way, was delighted. Grrrr. Okay, enough with the negative vibes. One sexually-tinged incident that has caught me off guard was my new-found arousal from straight sex (wait for it), the cunnilingus part. Yes, I didn't quite expect that I would (or even could) derive pleasure from watching a guy eat out a girl's pussy. I usually just skipped that part whenever I watch straight porn. It happened that I pressed the wrong button, the SLOW button, when I initially planned to skip the entire cunnilingus scene. That's when it dawned on me, "hey, this seems kinda sexy." Alas, I found my willy stand in attention while watching the entire 10 minute clip where the guy was bringing this girl to orgasm with his tongue. The blowjob part is my usual favorite scene because I find it alluring how a guy could be made to moan as if in pain by just the manual and oral stimulation of his glans penis. In retrospect, I should have had found cunnilingus much more amusing considering the female glans clitoris is an even smaller organ relative the glans penis yet it is able to elicit even more pleasure. EWAN. Let's not delve into my sexual perversion too much. Suffice to say that I now have a new interest in straight porn.

 Okay, my data transfer is done. See you next time.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Prelims Exam

Prelims Exam, first day, namin kanina. It couldn't have gone any worse.

Akalain mo bang A for True and C for False pala yung 100 item True-or-False portion ng 150-item na exam? All the while, akala ko B for False. Wala na! Huli na nung nalaman ko. Nailapag ko na sa table ng proctor ang aking answer sheet nang napansin kong may something odd sa answer sheets ng mga kaklase ko. Bakit ang lawak ng agwat ng A sa B ng answer sheets nila? OMG!!! That's when it hit me. Internal Medicine pala ito. C for False. Bwishet. Parang pinagsakluban ako ng langit at tila nabaon ako 6-feet-underground. Mahirap na nga yung exam, not folling instruction pa ako. Bwishet.

Well. Ganyan talaga ang buhay. Minsan lugmok na lugmok ka pero makakahanap at makakahanap talaga ang mundo ng paraan upang mas ibaon ka pa sa putikan. Urgh!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Fabio-lous Life

I was browsing through the internet looking for Pacquio-Mosley update blogs but got wind of this instead.

Nanginig ako sa aking seat. How could someone this handsome exist without me knowing? Sure, I've noticed him before in some commercial or two but I condemn myself for not knowing his name. It is Fabio Ide. Yet another face in a torrential downpour of Brazilian-Japanese models horded by Filipino model agencies. Perhaps only Daniel Kenji Matsunaga rivals his charm facade-wise.

So into him right now...

Anyway, my first week into third year Medicine was quite uneventful yet full of good memories bar a few mishaps. I didn't do well in the oral history taking in Pediatrics, overwhelmed by Doc B's presence and the bantering cries of my groupmates eager to earn their fair share of the grade. I would also have to endure a week or perhaps a couple of my mom's bad mood. She gets mentally and emotionally irritable every time a sizable amount of bucks is forwarded my way, more than a hundred thousand pesos for my tuition and four gargantuan books not to mention other measly stuff and paraphernalia which put together still sums up to quite a pocket-load. Other than those, I'm pretty happy I'm in this very moment in my life.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Third Year and Weight Loss

Guys. Good news. Ako po ay na-promote to Third Year Medicine. Thanks for all your prayers, that is, if you did pray for me. If you didn't, to Hell with you! Joke.

Anyways. With that stumbling block behind me, I now am focusing on my weight loss program. Yes. And to inspire me, I will post a pic of myself 4 years ago. Its amazing how I let myself get this thin. Maybe the flight of stairs spanning 7 floors back in Ateneo had something to do with it. We don't have that in Medskul. So, I am now vowing to rid myself of public transport should my own two feet suffice. I'm talking tricycles, pedicab, trisikad (pajak) and the like.

Sana may magandang resulta ang aking pagpapapayat this year.

Kung sila ba naman ang magtre-train sa akin, I'll be slim in no time. Kahit pa 24 hours straight ang workouts.

And to end this post...Wala lang. Ang sarap sigurong sumali...wehehehe...

Saturday, April 16, 2011

In Memoriam

AJ Perez, a young and promising talent of ABS-CBN died not more than 4 hours ago in a vehicular accident. I am still awaiting news but I guess the number of Twitter shout-outs from ABS-CBN's Stars about his passing is enough to confirm said event.

Shet. Crush na crush ko pa naman itong artistang ito. AJ, you will be missed.

Posted April 16, 2010, 2:23 AM.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Bel Ami - Hot and Sexy


"Bel" is French for "beautiful" and "Ami" means a "Male Friend". (Note: Adding an "e", "Amie", changes the gender, a female friend.) So, put loosely, this name of a Czech porn studio means "Beautiful Boyfriend" and boy do they deliver! Bel Ami is basically known throughout the gay world. If you, by any chance, haven't gotten wind of it, where the heck have you been?

A little backgrounder. My first ever full movie download, porn or non-porn for that matter, was "A Greek Holiday" by Bel Ami. I torrented all 1.4 GB of it way back in 2003 because it starred Julian Armanis, my first ever porn wetdream. Oh how many sperm cells and prostatic juices went to waste for his sake! He, for me, was the modern gay Adonis. Sleek, muscled body, amply cut abdominals, slight dash of hair just on the right places, a visage of perfection. He was orgasmicly sexy.

In the dawn of the broadband internet, however, Julian has quit doing Bel Ami videos. He now is keeper of finances of Bel Ami. So I had to make do with other Bel Ami models. None quite appealed much to me as much as Julian did. That was until late last year when Jack Harrer debuted.

Jack Harrer had a lot of the traits I found especially enticing and deliciously sexy in Julian. The well-sculpted body, boy-next-door looks, pleasant, charming, non-cocky persona all of which oozed from a lad with a prized manhood.

What I like in Bel Ami videos is the semblance of romance. The pre-sex cuddling, deep, passionate kisses and licks slowly crescendoing to a heated blowjob and ass play.

Videos peak with gyrating bubble butts, moans filled with desire, lustful exploration of the male body all in preparation for a burst of libido.

I find the slow pace of the sex act pleasurable unlike wham-bam-cum videos made by other studios. They just lack personality and that tad mix of sexuality and sensuality that turns me on and keeps the juices flowing, if you know what I mean. Other than the hot models at the peak of their youthful beauty, I think this is what's special with Bel Ami studios. A very talented director and cinematographer aided by a pricey HD-Sony Camera all come in handy too in capturing all of Bel Ami's sizzlers.


BUT (Here comes the negative criticisms), recently, I have observed changes in the way they produce videos. Though I find them videos still oven-hot, I find recent threesome and orgy videos too boring and a bit tacky. It may be that my dislike for sex that comes in 3's or more is clouding my judgment, but, there's this element of exhibitionism that I kinda am not comfortable with. I mean, jerking off in the twenties-something (20+ guys, which Bel Ami claims might be the largest filmed group jerk-off/orgy ever) is a bit unrealistic. Its a move away from the realism I find in intimate gay sex between couples. Like, come on, 20+ guys wanking together? Where's the sexiness in that?

And, yes, trios and multiple orgies have become common from Bel Ami lately. But, come on! A trio video involving TWINS? That's another level I'm not quite comfortable with yet again. Some may find it kinky. I find it incestuous. Sorry. I'm not for that thing. But, hey, if you are, here's a pic of a recent twinfest as they call it.

Hmmm. That's it for now.

Uhm, so this is my first "porn-critic" post. As of yet, a catchy name to call this type of post eludes me. Got any ideas? What would you rate my post?

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Sweet Love

Wala lang. Pag-logon ko pa lang kasi sa FB eh yan ang post ng Doctor namin sa wall niya. And I just love this song. Pang diva kasi na classic na rin. At kayang-kaya ko kantahin with all the emote and kulot. Oy rhyming. Hehehe.

Anyway, matagal na akong di nakakapag-post.

Natapos na ang second year ko sa Med school. Ang pinagdarasal ko na lang ngayon, (LORD, if you're reading) eh na pumasa ako dun sa Pathology removals exam na 135 items at kelangan kong magka-80 man lang. Hindi talaga ako sing-confident dun di tulad ng sa Surgery removals na medyo breeze at chicken lang (yabang!). So ayun. Sa Tuesday (April 19th) ang deliberation ng committee for promotions. Hay naku. Lord, once again, papasa naman po ako po. Huhuhu.

Sino nanuod ng Bnb. Pilipinas? Yeah. Nag-trending topic sa Twitter si Nuestra Señora Venus Raj. Hahaha. Kasi naman, sino naman kasing magaakalang magpruprosinsyon siya ala-Sto. Niño. As in, sinong nagkulot sa iyo Teh? Close malamang kay Baby Jesus. Kakaaliw. Namangha ako sa kanyang talaga. Heto pa ibang mga Twitter trends about sa Poong Venus Raj:

"Akala ko naligaw ako. Ginawa niya kasing Quiapo ang Araneta."

"Mga audience po kami, di kami mga deboto."

"Pinaghahanap na po ngayon ng NBI (Nagkukulot Buhok Investigation) ang nagkulot kay Venus Raj."

Hahahaha. Kakatawa lang talaga. Tsaka, maiba ako. Bakit mistulang walang ka-talent-talent sumagot ng questions ang mga Filipina contestants. Akalain mo, nanalo na yung pagka-gasgas-gasgas na "Education, b-coz it can't be taken away from you." As in. Walang bagong mga sagot. Meron pating nag-ala barangay na "Thank you for that wonderful question". Pwede? And, pinaka-FAIL sa lahat, "People is Government and Government is People." Huh? Paikot-ikot ka Teh? Di siguro siya familiar sa "Gov't is for, by, and of the People."

Hay. Anyways. Sige, hanggang dito na lang muna. Pinag-iisipan ko kasi uling i-spice up ang blog na ito. Kaso, by so doing, magiging non-Rated-PG tayo.

Saturday, March 12, 2011


Guys, do pray for my behalf. Sure na akong kukuha ng REMOVAL EXAMS for Surgery and General Pathology. I don't have the guts to tell my parents that I am a candidate for such exams. Di kasi aabot ng 75 ang aking grades for both of 'em subjects, nasa 70.00-74.49 lang. Pero grabeng kayod na ako makuha lang yang 70-74.49 na grade. Please pray for me. Thanks. Until then, di pa masusundan itong entry ko.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Curta - Eu Não Quero Voltar Sozinho

Portuguese Gay-Themed Short Film

Wala lang. Hang-cute lang ng ending niya.

Uhm, for the English subtitles, find and click the Arrow Up button then click the CC button and change the subtitles to English.

Friday, March 4, 2011


Matagal na ring hindi ako nakakapag-post ng entry. Naging busy lang ako these past few days. What I've found myself doing was homework and a lot of pages to read, study, and allot a huge portion of the text into my inferior temporal lobe (kung saan naka-store ang memory). I do check my blog from time-to-time but mostly I just redirect into the blog's of my blog-friends namely Nishi, Kamille, and Haze. Aside from checking-out and reading their blogs, I check my FB page for some messages mostly from my Physical Diagnosis groupmates. Other than that, I await for Bleach and Naruto mangas. Very routinary, I know (I can't believe blogger blotched "routinary" in red, its not misspelled! urgh!) but I do try to spice up my after-school life. Lately, I do just that with porn. But after 20 to 30 minutes of growling, hip-to-butt banging and lusty moans of orgasmic pleasure, the rush just fades away with it. I need something more.

I've provided a solution for that gap in my want for gratification. The solution? Movies! Movies I torrent for hours. Movies in High-Definition. I found a desperately sought rush from looking at the download percentage bar slowly inching its way rightwards to 100% completion. All the while, the rush doesn't become wasted for I pour it unto my e-book on Surgery or Pathology, my real school subjects. The actual movie itself is the icing on the cake.

And to present you with this and the previous week's icing, here is a short tribute to those movies.

First off was Reign of Assassins.

Amazing movie. I've always loved Asian action movies my father calls "Flying" movies. He has never understood why this dazzling unhuman act was, for me, an Art. Personally, seeing them defy gravity makes me relive my childhood fantasies. They make me believe in the power of the mind. That it knows no bounds. That from a stupid notion of humans swiftly moving as if they were feather-light and jumping off buildings like their bones were made of adamantium also at the same time, one can transform stupidity into a tightly choreographed lethal ballet as opposed to the cliche of reality-bound fight scenes is pure brilliance.

Second movie was, Leap Year.

I didn't quite like Amy Adams in that Disney movie with Cyclops. Haha. Enchanted was it? But when I saw her in Julie & Julia over at HBO, she was exuberant. She had me mistaken. She actually can be a very versatile actress. What she has become is far from her Cruel Intentions 2 days. About the movie, well, it was romantic. I liked the plot where guy slowly falls for annoying girl ending up losing her over self-doubt, cowardice and wrong-timing. But all's well that ends well. The new guy, Matthew Goode, being hot didn't disappoint.

Third movie was Love and Other Drugs.

This should be the year's most "gerger"-ous movie. Gerger is Bisaya slang for sex btw. But aside from Jake's butt exposure and Anne's boobies, this movie is actually good. It reminds us that loving someone isn't just because they make you feel good but because they actually make you feel good about yourself. Love for someone brings with it more love for oneself. On a less serious note, Jake was effing DELICIOUS in this movie. Him making love to and giving Anne an orgasm is a certified boner-bringer.

Fourth, and today's film, is Flipped.
And Australia yet again gifts the world with another hot up-and-coming star, Callan McAuliffe. He is Sam in the new Spielberg movie I Am Number Four. This movie is a goody-goddy. Just makes you feel all butterflied inside. What I liked from this movie is the assessment of the character, Julie, that humans, especially in this day and age, are LESS than the sum of their parts. People can be true airheads and very superficial these days. I pass by my previous college and I see example after example. But then, I could just be too judgmental. Still, I can't help but put labels.

So, that quite ends this post. Right now I'm torrenting Hachiko: A Dog's Tale starring Richard Gere. Its about a dog's loyalty and how it may surpass even a human's. I just might write about it.  

Monday, February 21, 2011

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Davao City Tour

We had a class Saturday to make-up for missed classes in Neuroscience and Clinical Pathology. I got up late and ended only sitting in on Dr. P's lecture on the Thyroid. He was supposed to lecture us on Serum Special Proteins but he saved Tuesday's lecture instead. Haha. Tumatanda na si Docky. Haha.

Anyway. Class ended early at 11:35am. Jarnel and I were to study at Googley Bear's apartment to spend our time wisely but she forgot to bring her Surgery book and she decided not to go through our academic plans. Studying without Jarnel just wasn't the same. Without her usual weird antics, GB and I fell asleep as soon as we were done with our lunch. Yeah, you call that the Baboy Syndrome. I woke up at 3:45pm. GB was still asleep so I left for home without waking him up. The hour-long ride home was plain boring (that's the reason I always ride the jeepney with perky Jarnel). I didn't have nothing to do whilst on the jeep so I decided to take hpotos of Davao and make it into one picture-filled entry. So here goes.

This is GB sleeping. Hahahaha. It was a shame to disturb him in his slumber.

 Entrance to China Town...
 Marco Polo Hotel. Ito na ang tallest building sa city at 18 floors lang. 
 Pati sa buong Mindanao, ito tallest. Hehe.

 Sangguniang Panlungsod.
 San Pedro Cathedral. Malaki yan, di lang halata sa kuha ko.

 Capitol ng Davao. Wehe. Since 1950s pa ang gusaling ito.

 Parang Coron ng Cebu lang ang Davao sa shot na ito.
 San Pedro Street. Davao's Aorta.
 Matagal-tagal narin itong Jollibee rito. Sa kabilang kanto kasi eh McDo.
 Await ko parati ang pag-traffic sa San Pedro Street dahil sa K-World.
 May LCD screen kasi na nagpapa-play ng Korean Music Videos na rinig 
 within a 20-meter radius. Naka play noon ang "Love Like This" ng SS501.
 Traffic. Nakaka-Badtrip.
 Quirino Avenue. Lahat ata ng siyudad sa Pinas may Quirino Avenue.
 Hi sister...
 Bonggang Sunglasses ni Ate.
 Clock Tower along Pichon Street aka Magallanes Avenue.
 Clock Tower and Davao Doctors Hospital sa background.
 Davao City lang ang may 911 sa labas ng USA at Canada.

 Davao is a Melting Pot of Cultures. Ona  side note, di uso rito ang GMA. 
 Sorry Ding-Dong. At talagang si Regine ang katambal mo??? Haler!!!
 Davao Bridge. Di halatang bridge...

 Aking Alma-Mater.
 Pati McDo, tila kabuti, kung saan-saan sumusulpot.
 Heto, nagsusulputang parang kabuti ang mga coffee shops.
 Davao was cleanest city in the Philippines for 5 consecutive years.
 NCCC Mall.

  Nagka-Comeback ang Karnabal ngayon. Ewan. 
  Patok-na-patok ito kay Jarnel. Suicidal ata yung bata.

 Paakyat ang daan. Pag kaskasero yung mamang driver dito, 
 parang naka rollercoaster ka lang.
 Cute yang mga Waling-Waling lamp posts pag gabi.
 Intersection papuntang SM Davao South. Bakit may South?
 Kasi tinatayo na ang SM Davao North which will be 3x larger.

 Mac Arthur Highway.
 Like ko mga market sa Davao kasi malinis.
 Ehem. USP kayo, hindi UP.
  Ma-traffic na eh alas-quatro pa lang ng hapon.
 Jollibee and Matina Centerpoint.
 Kanto Matina Aplaya.
 Umuusbong na ang mga ganitong mga establishments.
 Road papuntang village.
 Si Kuya trike driver na sinakyan ko after alighting from the jeep.
Sayang, nag-antay na lang sana ako makarating sa intersection (see below).
 Ang jeep na nasakyan ko.
 Antayan ng tricycle.
 Mini market before the bridge.

 To the bridge.
 Si Kuya Cute.
 Si Kuya Cute na motor driver. Ehhheeeeee. Sayang nakatalikod.
 Uhm, polluted river under the bridge.
 Hehehe. Siya yung poging motor driver. Wehe.
 The main road of our village.
  Yung gate na orange ang gate eh kina Ampatuan.
  The church just a 5-minute walk from our house. 
  Yet I've not heard Mass for a long time.
  Our house. And the vacant lot beside it.
   My mother's work. She has the green thumb in the family.
 My human progenitors.
 Uncle ko and my sister on Skype.