Sino Ako?

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Davao City, Philippines
"Hi, Me!" coz my name is Hayme and I still am getting to know myself. A Medical student. A geek. A hopeless romantic. Gay. Single since being out. Single since birth for that matter. Accompany me as I redefine myself.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Singing Sessions

Cover ko ng songs ni Erik Santos and Jaya. Hahaha. Katuwaan lang. Was just having a good time.

Sunday, November 6, 2011


Just me, bumming...

I've actually got a ton of reading to get over but instead I choose to update this blog. Lots have happened since my last post, some minor, some really major. Yeah, like my dad passing away. I say that with such a casual tone it might seem like it didn't matter much. Trust me, it did. Well, for one, not having my dad around makes our abode a little less like home. My father was a jolly fellow. Although we were never close like, say, Kevjumba and his Dad, my father had a lot to do with my happy-go-lucky persona. I take life a day at a time, see more of the positive, laugh off trivial matters and actually handle sadness and loss pretty well. I'm like my dad in these uncanny ways.

Having tailor-fitted myself to a gay life (no pun) put me into a better footing at coping with his loss. With such deluge, my mom and sister didn't have the same happy bricks to stand onto. My father's murder affected them much more than it did me and up until this post they still have that destitute glimmer in their smiles.

Well, so much for sadness...I'm over that...moving on...


I've always pondered on the fact of my non-existent dating-life. Why am I not ready? Why don't I give it a try just like how my other friends did? Is it really my choice?

I think I am emotionally and mentally ready for a relationship, I really do. Relationships aren't that complicated. That; however, is a conclusion drawn from the perspective of someone from the audience. What ingredients there are for keeping a would-be relationship going are exactly the same ones that would keep a friendship thriving. Well, to begin with, there's communication. I'm a really good listener! I'm also good at getting my point through. I've got covered a wide variety of topics thus the possibility of running out of things to talk about is quite unlikely. I'm also inquisitive, the lives of my friends are my bread and butter. I live off of it. I like getting to know their childhood mishaps, high school dramas and college frustrations. A great lot of my past friends and acquaintances have commended my superb ability of sympathizing with their plight. In fact, as I've come to realize recently, I am so good a communicator that I get to become the repository of top-tier blackmail-level secrets of almost everyone in my close knit of friends. This gift of mine; nonetheless, also is a source of depression at times. How come I'm always at the listening end? Why can't I be the one to talk? Oh well...

Veering back to topic, another strong point I've got in my arsenal is humor. I'm funny. I usually have a joke for almost anything you could throw at me. My friends; however, think that's exactly why I've got no dating life. You see, my jokes tend to be bitchy. Some first-timers may even consider them harsh. So, come to think of it, I must try not flaunting this around much.
Actually, the single biggest factor why I'm not in the dating scene is because of my lack of self-esteem. I am in crisis-crisis. I'm fat, no one gets attracted to fat gay guys. The slim, fit, manly gay guys get the juice. What I get is pulp, a mere illusion of sweetness one could taste from a fruity relationship. Yes, some might say, "Well, get your fat ass moving and loose those extra ounces kilos".  You see, that isn't the sole problem. I've got a skin condition. My skin makes even me feel icky. My self-doubt and loathing keeps me from meeting Mr. Right-ish. If only self-esteem came in packages from Amazon. If only my skin condition would be a thing of the past. Its hard to look at myself in the mirror, all I see is ugly. In a  world where physical beauty is the currency to a chance of getting into a relationship, I'm just damn defenseless, unadorned, down-trodden. 
Honestly, that's why I can't bring myself to come have a date. I try hard to get others to notice me yet I myself notice only the ugly side of me.


Wednesday, September 14, 2011

New Interest

My aunt's balikbayan box has finally arrived and along with it came my request, a 1 Terabyte Western Digital My Passport portable hard drive. I've been dieting (to no effect on my BMI) and saving like there's no today (as if walang pagkakagastusan sa araw-araw) but all that could not make my savings abound to 7 thousand pesos. All I could come up with was a measly 2 K. Yes, I'm that bad at saving. Kaya naman I thought, bakit di na lang ako manghingi dun sa may kaya kahit na di nagse-save? Hahahaha. Alas! My (lack of) effort paid-off. I am now writing this long overdue blog post to kill time as my overburdened internal hard disk drives unload years' worth of data into my new portable drive.

 Where to begin? I've got much free time today and for the next two weeks because it is SEMBREAK. The last semestral break for medical shool. Wala na kasing break ang fourth year during senior clerkship duty. I think I passed all my subjects except offcourse that wretched Internal Medicine. Nag-bear ba ng grudge? Haha. 71 lang ako sa subject na yun and that little incident mentioned in my previous post has got a lot to do with it. Well, more effort next semester then. That's for my academic update. Leisure-wise, I am now trying to vacate one drive in my PC so I could install Microsoft's day-old release of Windows 8 Developer Preview. I hope installation goes well. I really am excited with what Microsoft has in store for Windows 8 enthusiasts like myself. It took all night to download almost 4 Gigabytes of installation data. Hope every waiting hour will be worth the effort.

 Sex-wise, well, I have had certain issues whilst I was not online. There was this bullying issue in class. No, not that really grievous to be truthful, its just that it really annoys me when people match a straight guy to an unsuspecting gay guy believing that such pair-up would somehow tickle the ego of said gay guy. I, in no perceivable way, was delighted. Grrrr. Okay, enough with the negative vibes. One sexually-tinged incident that has caught me off guard was my new-found arousal from straight sex (wait for it), the cunnilingus part. Yes, I didn't quite expect that I would (or even could) derive pleasure from watching a guy eat out a girl's pussy. I usually just skipped that part whenever I watch straight porn. It happened that I pressed the wrong button, the SLOW button, when I initially planned to skip the entire cunnilingus scene. That's when it dawned on me, "hey, this seems kinda sexy." Alas, I found my willy stand in attention while watching the entire 10 minute clip where the guy was bringing this girl to orgasm with his tongue. The blowjob part is my usual favorite scene because I find it alluring how a guy could be made to moan as if in pain by just the manual and oral stimulation of his glans penis. In retrospect, I should have had found cunnilingus much more amusing considering the female glans clitoris is an even smaller organ relative the glans penis yet it is able to elicit even more pleasure. EWAN. Let's not delve into my sexual perversion too much. Suffice to say that I now have a new interest in straight porn.

 Okay, my data transfer is done. See you next time.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Prelims Exam

Prelims Exam, first day, namin kanina. It couldn't have gone any worse.

Akalain mo bang A for True and C for False pala yung 100 item True-or-False portion ng 150-item na exam? All the while, akala ko B for False. Wala na! Huli na nung nalaman ko. Nailapag ko na sa table ng proctor ang aking answer sheet nang napansin kong may something odd sa answer sheets ng mga kaklase ko. Bakit ang lawak ng agwat ng A sa B ng answer sheets nila? OMG!!! That's when it hit me. Internal Medicine pala ito. C for False. Bwishet. Parang pinagsakluban ako ng langit at tila nabaon ako 6-feet-underground. Mahirap na nga yung exam, not folling instruction pa ako. Bwishet.

Well. Ganyan talaga ang buhay. Minsan lugmok na lugmok ka pero makakahanap at makakahanap talaga ang mundo ng paraan upang mas ibaon ka pa sa putikan. Urgh!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Fabio-lous Life

I was browsing through the internet looking for Pacquio-Mosley update blogs but got wind of this instead.

Nanginig ako sa aking seat. How could someone this handsome exist without me knowing? Sure, I've noticed him before in some commercial or two but I condemn myself for not knowing his name. It is Fabio Ide. Yet another face in a torrential downpour of Brazilian-Japanese models horded by Filipino model agencies. Perhaps only Daniel Kenji Matsunaga rivals his charm facade-wise.

So into him right now...

Anyway, my first week into third year Medicine was quite uneventful yet full of good memories bar a few mishaps. I didn't do well in the oral history taking in Pediatrics, overwhelmed by Doc B's presence and the bantering cries of my groupmates eager to earn their fair share of the grade. I would also have to endure a week or perhaps a couple of my mom's bad mood. She gets mentally and emotionally irritable every time a sizable amount of bucks is forwarded my way, more than a hundred thousand pesos for my tuition and four gargantuan books not to mention other measly stuff and paraphernalia which put together still sums up to quite a pocket-load. Other than those, I'm pretty happy I'm in this very moment in my life.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Third Year and Weight Loss

Guys. Good news. Ako po ay na-promote to Third Year Medicine. Thanks for all your prayers, that is, if you did pray for me. If you didn't, to Hell with you! Joke.

Anyways. With that stumbling block behind me, I now am focusing on my weight loss program. Yes. And to inspire me, I will post a pic of myself 4 years ago. Its amazing how I let myself get this thin. Maybe the flight of stairs spanning 7 floors back in Ateneo had something to do with it. We don't have that in Medskul. So, I am now vowing to rid myself of public transport should my own two feet suffice. I'm talking tricycles, pedicab, trisikad (pajak) and the like.

Sana may magandang resulta ang aking pagpapapayat this year.

Kung sila ba naman ang magtre-train sa akin, I'll be slim in no time. Kahit pa 24 hours straight ang workouts.

And to end this post...Wala lang. Ang sarap sigurong sumali...wehehehe...

Saturday, April 16, 2011

In Memoriam

AJ Perez, a young and promising talent of ABS-CBN died not more than 4 hours ago in a vehicular accident. I am still awaiting news but I guess the number of Twitter shout-outs from ABS-CBN's Stars about his passing is enough to confirm said event.

Shet. Crush na crush ko pa naman itong artistang ito. AJ, you will be missed.

Posted April 16, 2010, 2:23 AM.