In a city where fireworks are non-existent, its hard to dampen a sulky mood on a dawning decade.
You see, a 24-turning-25, shy, overweight, single-since-coming-out, gay guy in Davao City who at the same time has his daily life buried in his Medical books and whose idea of quality alone-time is sleeping his ass off or drowning in ice tea as he surfs for internet porn, it is terribly hard to bump-into let alone aggressively search for that compatible someone who would be just the right guy to negate all the above-mentioned obstacles to a great life.
I have been obsessed by this very craving. Cried myself to sleep, even tormented myself with the prospect of growing old alone. Why don't I have a boyfriend? Am I that unattractive? Doesn't anybody find me interesting? Why do I choose to wallow in my self-pity despite knowing how crappy doing exactly thus is?
Well, for one, I am devoid of self-confidence. My friend, Kitte, today said "if you look good, you feel confident". She didn't quite know how hard her statement hit me. I've had psoriasis since I was in high school. You can google it. Talking and describing it makes me sad. It is the single if not the only dilemma I've been burdened with all these years. If you have this skin disorder, you could pretty much get the picture. If you don't, then imagine having multiple, ugly, erythematous, dandruff-resembling plaques all over your back and thighs. Also, don't be hypocrite by saying physical looks don't matter because we all know it does. Hell, if it didn't, why do we have spas, beauty parlors, and Vicky Belo? It is human nature to be attracted to physical looks first before being drawn to personality. Its encoded in our genes, that is just the way nature works. Having this disease today and the knowledge that it will forever taunt me makes me feel really ugly.
TO BE CONTINUED...